A Gentle Love for Yourself

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To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. ~ Robert Morley

In my younger days, reading or hearing someone talk about loving ourselves often seemed strange. I wasn't sure exactly what it meant, and it sounded selfish and conceited to me. However, over the years, I have come to understand a little more about what this all means.

Before all else, this entails thinking of yourself as you would your dearest friend. How you think and talk about yourself does impact you. You would never tell your best friend, a family member, a partner, or even a stranger (I hope!) how dumb they are, how ugly they are, how fat they are, or how unsuccessful they are. So why do we tell ourselves these things over and over again?

We all have flaws. As humans, we make mistakes. But do we need to beat ourselves up about them? And repeatedly? When our friends are in a tough spot, we likely don't berate them; instead, we help them. Imagine how much better the situation would be if we spoke to ourselves in a kind, gentle, loving, and supportive way... in other words, how we talk to others.

Another way to pay attention to how we love ourselves is in how we care for our bodies. This precious vessel we inhabit sustains our lives and is often taken for granted. We neglect to care for it thoughtfully while tending to everyone else's needs. We don't get enough sleep and relaxation to allow our bodies to recharge and refresh. We often fill them with caffeine, sugar, alcohol, smoke, and junk food—sometimes to the extreme. We sit at our desks all day and then on the couch, binge-watching Netflix at night. I know this firsthand, having lived this way at various times!

It's impressive how well our bodies function, despite how poorly some of us nourish them. Eventually, our bodies will start sending signals that we need to pay more attention to them. Hopefully, this happens before diabetes, heart disease, autoimmune disorders, or joint replacements make an unwelcome appearance.

Perhaps we could put more thought into how we care for this exceptional form that carries us around. When we sense that our body needs extra attention, we can be kinder to this precious being. More exercise here and there, along with more fruits and veggies on our plates, is the best way to show our love to our bodies. Opting for a side salad instead of fries or sparkling water instead of wine can lead to other better choices as a matter of routine. And surprise – you might start to enjoy how much better you feel with improved choices and blend those options into your daily life.

Yet another way to give ourselves more gentle love is to set and maintain boundaries with others. We need to be able to say no when we genuinely want to. For those of us who are people-pleasers, this can be very challenging. As we continuously give in to the demands and needs of everyone else, our true selves can get left behind. We may become exhausted and resentful, and we do a disservice to others in the process. They become accustomed to us always saying yes and managing things for them. In doing so, we sometimes take away their responsibilities or dampen their spirit and ability to solve problems independently. We make them dependent on us, which isn't helpful for either party.

It's perfectly okay to say, 'I can't commit to this right now.' There's no need to offer any explanations. Sometimes, standing firm when the pleadings start can be tricky, but your well-being is worth the effort to prioritize your needs. You know what they always say on the airplane – put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

Lastly, we all need time and space to recharge and replenish ourselves. The to-do list can wait. Make sure to engage in what truly excites you every once in a while. Take that vacation, enjoy a spa day, or a stroll in the park. Get cozy and read a fun book on a rainy day. Tinker in the garage. Enter that marathon. Hike that mountain. Ski the bumps. Go out for dinner and a movie with your favorite peeps. Try to go to bed earlier. Whatever it takes to help you feel the way you want to feel.

I understand how hard it is to remember to put yourself first and give yourself that gentle love. It's easy to fall back into old routines. Just recognize it and vow to do better next time for yourself. Don't judge, don't feel guilty, and don't criticize yourself for needing and taking essential time for YOU. You deserve it, and you are so worth it!

What are some ways to show yourself the love you deserve? How might you reframe your thoughts in a more loving manner? What steps can you take today to love yourself a bit more?

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