Changes

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

~ Maya Angelou

The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude. ~ Oprah Winfrey

How do we embrace change? Change in our living arrangements, relationships, jobs, political happenings, health, deaths, births, weather …. Gosh so many places we can encounter big change in our lives. Sometimes change is good, sometimes it’s bad, other times it can be indifferent. As can be our reactions and responses to change. Those are the tricky parts.

It is so easy to get caught up in the problems of an uncomfortable change that comes our way. To be sucked into the ‘why me’. To lash out at it. To become depressed and angry over it. To get upset at all the extra work we will have to put in to handle it. To be annoyed at the additional difficulties that come into play. To sink into the despair of a hurt that life’s change has caused us. The fear of the unknown that the change is unleashing. To fight the things we cannot control. The list of our possible reactions is endless.

I have recently been going thru a new health change for me. It’s not devastating, but it is still a bit distressing and something I will need to cope with for quite some time. As some of you may know, I have an autoimmune disease called Alopecia. My immune system had evidently decided my hair was not to be trusted, so it began attacking it back in the 70’s, eventually getting it all by the early 2000’s. That was a huge change that prompted me to wear wigs. After a while I decided they were too hot to play golf in, so I opted to go au natural. My approach in dealing with my hair loss has basically been one of resigning. The autoimmune disease spectrum is really something that our medical community has no solid answers or cures for. So I decided to embrace my new bald look and move on.

I have kept up on the happenings with autoimmune diseases and have known for a while now, that if you have one, you are 3 times more likely of getting another. And so now I am confronting my 2nd one. Three months ago I started experiencing a great deal of arthritis type joint pain, muscle pain and fatigue. The first diagnosis is Polymyalgia Rhuematica. A mouthful, but I am managing with prescribed medications – which is a big relief – although I do hope to be able to minimize my long-term use of them over time.

The most current knowledge in dealing with these pesky diseases is to be careful with your diet. I have been pretty good at this over the past number of years, but now I am embarking on a stricter, clean, whole, non-inflammatory food kind of diet. I have read of others reversing their AI diseases with diet, and so I have decided to take a positive tone and approach to it. My journey has focused on the mind and spirit path for many years, but now I am more fully embracing the body part in a more all-encompassing way.

Anyway, I don’t mean to spell out all of my woes here to garner sympathy, but rather to show how our mindset can be fine tuned to be more helpful when coping with big change. I have gone thru the whole range of emotions over this new development. And interestingly I have discovered that after I wallow a bit in the ‘poor me’ and meditate on it a number of times, I emerge into a new perspective. But then I have also often gone backwards and traveled this circle of emotions all over again, and again.

However, I find my strength in wanting to beat this new disease starting to bubble up more often than not. I think of ways to help myself feel better – well, without the quarter pounder and fries – but rather in movement, meditation and leaning into a more positive attitude. If I make myself walk every morning, no matter how bad I feel, I believe it helps. It gets my blood flowing and the lube affect of moving really does make my aches and pains feel better. Plus my Zen Puppy Caylee goes with me and her exuberance at every stick, leaf, puddle and the many scents along the way always makes me smile. I will also sprinkle in a little stretching, yoga and baby weightlifting. Even though this all can be very painful at times when I start, I do feel better in the end, physically and mentally. This makes me want to do it again the next day, or soon at least! My diet over the past month and a half has blessed me with a few less pounds, also making me feel better. And my new massage chair just arrived. It’s turning out to be a great way to soothe me while I meditate each morning.

I am certainly not a saint in this whole process. There are days when I get a bit cranky, or teary eyed and don’t feel like doing anything but Netflix binging. Thankfully I don’t keep ice cream in the freezer anymore, and on those days, I get to relish in an apple and almond butter while zoning out to the tv. But after a bit of this stagnancy, my motivation eventually kicks in and a healthier journey takes over. Thankfully those despondent spells are getting shorter in duration.

And let’s not forget the strength we can find in the support we receive from our family and friends. It’s ok to lean on them when we need a shoulder to cry on. It’s ok to ask for help, and some of us (that would be me) need to do it more often. It is such a comfort to know that others love you and want to help – we just have to let them! I really want to thank all of my family and friends who have been here for me with this new development. It really does mean a lot to me, and I am very grateful to have all of you in my life.

I have found over the recent years, that when I can set my mind towards ‘fixing’ something I usually find a way. I have had to let go of some of my old beliefs and habits when a need for a fix or a big change hits me head on. The shoulds and should nots. The expectations and judgements. The poor me and why me feelings. The lack of compassion, caring and gentleness for myself. The paralyzing fear and lack of control of the unknown. The keeping silent and not using my voice, or asking for help. Looking at all of these in a new light goes a long way in adapting to change for me in a healthy manner. Along with the zeroing in on what I can control and releasing what I cannot.

How can we start to look differently at change? What about if we think of handling change in a more positive way. How can we benefit from it? How can we gracefully embrace it? How can we let go of trying to control it? Rather than focusing on all the things we can’t change, how about focusing on the things we can change? How can we turn this around to push ourselves into being a better person, for ourselves and others? How can we take advantage of this change? We can’t continually berate ourselves or others for the change. We don’t want to be a victim, we want to be the survivor. It’s ok to be vulnerable in the face of the unknown. None of this is easy work. Keeping in mind we have to always be gentle with ourselves in the process. And make sure we show ourselves the love we deserve. So perhaps the next time a big change upsets your world, can you pause and think up different ways of handling or coping with it? As one of my favorite inspirational gurus Mike Dooley always says, ‘Thoughts become things…Choose the good ones!’ ®