Do The Work

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It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives. ~ Marianne Williamson

At various times throughout my life, I have felt disordered. Like something was missing. Or lost. I was confused. I was distraught. Often, I felt something was wrong with me. And I had a tough time discerning what was happening, what I felt, and why. So I routinely ignored all that and went about my days in a bit of a fog.

Outwardly, and what everyone else saw of my life was exemplary. I had great jobs, a successful family business, and beautiful homes. I was a pretty good athlete. I belonged to country clubs. Traveled extensively. Wonderful family and friends surrounded me. My life was enviable from the outside... so why was I sometimes struggling to embrace this amazing life of mine?

I never had an ‘aha’ moment of clarity. Instead, it was a slow crawl along the path of inward self-discovery, which will probably never end! My process started with getting help along the way from a couple of professional counselors over the years. They have been indispensable in guiding me in the right direction. And since this is Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to give a big shout-out to those professionals who help us do the work to know ourselves. They are valuable in many respects, but most importantly, they can help you to ‘know what you don’t know.’ I encourage everyone to seek out someone to help. There should be no stigma in getting this kind of help. After all, we get help with our taxes, investing, insurance needs, legal matters, etc. How many of us cut our own hair? Why not have a counselor or life coach to help make the best of life’s challenges and successes?

This self-discovery business is a delicate process. There are many stages. Sometimes you go backward a couple of steps before you go forward again. All along the way, you are learning. Learning about your past – how and why you became who you are. The traits you inherited from your upbringing and gathered throughout your life ... some good, some not so good. You learn what served you well and what did not. You start to understand the whys of many things! You begin to learn and understand why you end up in the same kind of situation over and over again. Why certain things are triggers for your emotions. Why you do or say what you do. You also learn what you fear and what brings you peace.

It can take a long time to have a good understanding of all of the whys, fears, and challenges you have gone through. And sometimes, those understandings change and evolve the deeper you go. But eventually, the puzzle pieces start fitting together. As you do the work, you understand more and more about yourself and your life. With this better understanding, you become more accepting of your past, yourself, and how you ended up where you are. You lose the victim mindset. You gain the desire to improve and be a better person. You even start to understand the struggle of others around you, allowing you to empathize more with them.

You begin to recognize when and how things that affect you crop up in your day-to-day life. And this is the beginning of the good part of doing the work ... you get to rethink your responses and actions. It is a lot like getting some mulligans, and you get to ‘do over’ some of the missteps you have had in the past as you go forward in the future. Over time, you automatically make little changes here and there in how you think and act.

With more understanding, your gratitude naturally grows as well. You notice more of the beauty around you. You appreciate everything and everyone more. You become more accepting, less critical, and less judgmental. You love more. You will develop more tools to deal with life’s challenges. Your internal and external communication will also improve. All of this has happened to me over the years.

Doing the work can be challenging. We may be afraid to discover our inner selves and delve deeper into our emotions and feelings. But once we take the plunge, we may realize that the fear is not as bad as we first thought. We learn we are not alone. We understand that we are human and that we make mistakes. We learn that we can be ok with ourselves and our lives. We learn new ways to think and act. Yes, we will stumble again, but armed with more understanding and knowledge, we will bounce back faster, stronger, and better. As Tina Lifford says: When you know yourself, you are empowered. When you accept yourself, you are invincible.

How are you Doing The Work?

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