When I first decided to start writing about my journey to emotional and physical well-being, I asked myself 'How and when did it start'? There have been so many twists and turns, forwards and backwards, how could I ever make some logical sense of it?
Do I start at the beginning? But where and when is that? The 'recent' beginning is when I started meditating consistently 6 years ago. But maybe it started 12 years ago when I retired? Or perhaps when I made the choice to work with my father 34 years ago? But wait ~ there was the college choice in 1978 ~ then the scary new high school in 1974. Could it be that I've been on this journey since birth in 1959??
Yes, I really think so. Every circumstance around me, every choice I have made and the choices I didn't make throughout my life have led me step by step to where I am today.
I think I've only realized this a few years ago. Everything is so tangled up together. All of the steps on my journey have been taken for a reason. I've had things to learn at each juncture, at each fork in the road. This learning has not always been instantaneous. Sometimes it's years, if not decades, later. But as I have looked deeper, I have been able to uncover some of those lessons and really understand them. And not to be frightened, upset or shameful of them.
For me, the start of this journey was really leaning into acceptance. I needed to accept the choices I have made with kindness and self-love. I have had to accept that my choices were made with the best of intentions. And maybe more importantly, to remember that I didn't know what I didn't know. Sure there were always the 'what if', the 'could of', the 'should of'. But then there would be no lesson, no future opportunity to do better the next time.
One main thing I've learned throughout this journey is to be gentle and kind to myself. The path towards happiness for me involved a little bit of reckoning with the past. An opportunity to understand it, to understand me and my role in this world I grew up into. When I began to look at my past with compassion and love, a little door started to crack open to let in some light. Some understanding and hope for the future me.
This roadmap for me began with a fresh and non-judgmental look at my life and it's choices. I uncovered patterns ~ both good and bad. I took the time to just objectively notice them. To understand them with an open mind. I sat quietly with those lessons. I did not beat myself up (or others) for them. Soon, I became more at ease with those lessons. I gained a better understanding of the why's and how's. Things started making more sense of 'why I believed and acted the way I did'. And I was also able to understand a little bit more about the other souls in my life too, and perhaps why they were, or were not, a certain way.
So my first steps at pointing my life towards more happiness and well-being began with acceptance, understanding and compassion. Accept and love yourself first dear friend, and start cracking the door open to a more joyful you. What are the first steps on your journey?
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