Like the dew that remains for a moment or two on the tips of the grass and then melts with the dawn, the pleasures we find in the course of our lives last only an instant, they cannot endure.
~ Thogme Zangpo
Things are constantly changing and impermanent. The weather, our thoughts, our bodies, our activities, our likes and dislikes, our jobs, our friends, our relationships, the operating systems of our phones and computers... the list is endless. On the surface, this can be a distressing thought. We like it when we have consistency and sameness in our lives. When something we love changes or even dies, we can feel immense pain. On the flip side, when we get a raise, fall in love, have our first child or buy a new car, we feel tremendous joy and happiness.
I have been studying the Buddhist philosophy of life off and on for quite a while. It is extremely complicated and unexpectedly simple at the same time. It is extensive, wise, and very thoughtful with the goal of freeing oneself from suffering – not just physical but emotional, mental, and from any sort of discontentment. As Karma Yesh Rabgye points out in his Buddhism primer How to Catch a Snake, a distinctive teaching is to free ourselves from “the kind of suffering that stems from our trying to get permanent happiness from impermanent things.” In trying to understand this concept better myself, I thought I’d write about it!
The reality is that everything that comes into our lives will eventually fall apart, change, break or die. Things will emerge and exist for a time while the conditions are right but will then disintegrate altogether or change into something else. This is the nature of impermanence. It is not a topic we readily want to grasp or deal with. We equate this with loss. Loss of our friends, a loved one, or even our leather jacket we left at the bar. We become very attached to the things and people in our lives. We want them all to stay the same and last forever. This belief causes us to cling to worldly possessions and others. In our search for happiness, pleasure, wealth, power, recognition, love, validation, etc., we end up using objects and people to satisfy our wants and needs. Hence, we get attached.
This impermanence works for pain as well. Every one of us will die, as will our friends and loved ones. Our pain, grief, and sadness over losing a loved one or a prized possession will eventually dissipate and disappear. Just like the morning dew. The challenge is to accept that everything is impermanent and that we can’t do anything to change that fact. When we can loosen our grip and relax about this impermanence idea, it is actually freeing. Hard to do, but supposedly not impossible!
When we think of all things being interdependent, the concept of impermanence is easier to understand. When certain conditions are met, change happens. A seed receives sunlight and water and then turns into a flower. A grape left to dry becomes a raisin. Winter turns into spring and then becomes summer. The union of our mother and father creates a baby. The baby turns into a child, a teenager, then an adult. The human form does not die at each new stage; it just changes. I believe that when our lives end, we don’t die; we change into something else. Our consciousness, or soul, or whatever you want to call it, moves to another form, and our bodies provide nourishment to the soil.
Imagine if everything was permanent. The cold you had last week would hang on forever. Snow could happen year-round. Fights would never end. You could have a constant headache from last night’s party. We certainly don’t want those things to go on indefinitely! Luckily, we don’t have to endure a bad, cranky mood forever, either. Our thoughts and emotions are also impermanent. If our thoughts did not change, we would get stuck and never progress. Memories fade as well. We can feel sad to forget some of what we have learned and all the good times, but we are probably more than ok to forget the bad times. If memories are permanent, all those painful memories would never leave us.
It is also a good thing that our emotions change. We certainly don’t want to get stuck in an angry mood forever. We might be very angry with someone today. But later, become best friends with them. Your partner's bad mood today will become festive and fun tomorrow. Nothing lasts. Things change. We transform right alongside the world’s evolution.
Sit in stillness for a bit and reflect on your life. All you have accomplished. The places you have been and seen. Think about your friends and family over the years – where are they now? Reflect on your childhood and how you grew up. Who you were as a youngster and who you are now. Consider all of the events and situations you have faced over your life. When you look at your life this way, you can easily see the varied types of impermanence that you have already encountered. While you are at it, remember how some of these things caused you pain. As we go through life, we cling to things and people as though they are permanent, causing ourselves needless suffering. Think of everything as temporary. As you realize that impermanence is all around us, your attachment to things lessens, your suffering will start to wane, and your freedom will expand.
Ponder this impermanence idea for a while. Does this affect how you can look differently at the people and objects in your life?
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There is definitely a lot to ponder here…